Mary Allen Lindemann - Women's History Month

Today, for the "Women's History Month" celebration, I would like to introduce this fabulous and strong woman

Meet Mary Allen, 63, mother, fashion and art lover, owner of Coffee By Design.

Where are you from and where did you grow up?

I was born in Greenwich, Connecticut. Number 4 girl in a family of 5. My brother was number 5 and we were called Irish twins as we were 13 months apart. I lived in Greenwich until I was 15 but view NYC more as home as I spent time there visiting my Dad at his job as well as family trips to special events like the tree lighting at Rockefeller Center, the New York City Ballet’s Nutcracker Suite, Broadway Shows and sporting events.

I had the good fortune to be raised in a family where education was valued, and girls were to be raised equal in opportunity to any boy. My sisters told me as we became adults that I was the beneficiary as the women’s movement became more present in daily life when I was a pre-teen. Dad was more open to what was possible. I have an ivy league education but was not taught to cook or sew. My parents were not surprised that I said no to being a debutante at the Black and Silver Ball. I did not dream about my wedding. I was included along with my siblings at numerous events my parents attended as my Dad was a TV network executive when there were only three major networks: NBC, CBS, ABC and PBS.

I was one of a small group of young advertising professionals who was enrolled by my employer in the Institute for Advanced Advertising Studies and attended the Paris Fashion Institute where I focused on marketing when exploring a career change.

I have taken numerous classes post grad in writing, alternative health and well-being and the arts.

What do you do for living?

I have extensive experience in marketing as an advertising executive and in the retail arena as a manager and buyer. Both professions prepared me for small business ownership which I launched along with my now former husband in 1994. I was 34 when Coffee By Design was born.

How do I describe what I do as a living???? Coffee is bigger than I ever imagined. I have attached my bio which highlights what the business is and where my areas of interest lie. In the past, I would have written a line or two. This year my goal is to shout out loud what I have done and all I dream to do. It’s not about awards or recognition. It is about positive impact and playing a part in how we all live well together on the planet.

I would be remiss if I did not mention the most fulfilling job, I have is that of Mom to the greatest gift ever received. My now 18 year old Alina.

Can you tell us a little bit about the challenges you had in life and how you overcame them?

Life has chapters of challenges and many books which come to an end and need to be placed on one’s personal shelf for reference and reminder. My family and I all escaped when I was seven and our house burned down. 5 kids, both parents and a menagerie of pets. A week later, one town over, another family same size no connection had a house fire. They all perished. That experience has always made me feel that I survived for a reason. I was spared to do meaningful work.

There were years after the fire which were challenging. My parents did the best they could. My father’s sister was murdered by an estranged husband and threatened to come for us. My oldest sister was a teen of the 60s. Sex and drugs became part of the family struggle. Both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer within six months of each other when I was in high school. Melanoma for my Dad. Breast cancer Mom. My brother was away at boarding school and my sisters were all pretty much out of the house. I thought I would become an orphan. For reasons unrelated to his cancer, my Father was forced to leave the job he loved. He managed to survive until I was 25 but that wound was always present. My mom had a radical mastectomy and survived. She and I were close and the experience of how she was told to hide the scar brought us even more so.

I was sexually assaulted in my twenties (not that uncommon at the time I now know) and made the hard decision when a bit older that abortion was the right choice for me.

The stressful end of my 27 year marriage while my Mom in her 80’s was dying and one of my sisters became ill and was hospitalized.

I share this all not seeking pity but more to share how resilient we are as human beings.

I believe we are given what we can handle and meant to learn from. It’s not easy but we grow.

Life achievements?

I am proud of Coffee By Design and the community work it has allowed me to do – locally and globally. I hope I inspire others creating opportunity and opening the door which they themselves are perfectly capable of walking through which leads to better lives for themselves and their communities.

Like those crazy birthday candles, I keep popping back up even when others try to extinguish the flame.

I am mother to one who is an amazing global citizen. As hard as it is to let go sometimes, I look forward to all they will do to make the world better.

Learning to trust and love deeply again.

What are your passions?

Progressive arts and social change….poetry, music, theater, dance, live performance. I love words and putting them together. Experiencing other cultures. Rare evenings at home enjoying good food and inspiring conversations. I am one who sees the glass half full and want to take in all I can while I am able to.

What do you value the most in life?

What I call my tribe. The small group of people some who are family and others who have entered my life who are my bubble of joy, inspiration, truth, safety, and peace.

Advice for other women?

You can’t be who you want to be unless that is truly who you are meant to be. Embrace who you are. Recently I turned 63. This is what 63 is. Not 43. Not 53. Wear what makes you feel good. Be bold. Our bodies are a canvas to try new colors, fabrics, and shapes. Never dummy down for anyone else. Speak up. Dance whether you are good at it or not. Be brave. Try new things. You may find things you thought were stupid when young are the very things you enjoy and learn the most from now.

Favorite quotes:

Words are important to me. So many words. There are two quotes which currently resonate with me. One by my dear friend and leader, Alain Jean Claude Nahimana, who died at age 49 during the pandemic. An asylee from Burundi who was retraumatized when having to isolate because of the fear of covid. We were talking about business one day and I mentioned needing to “think outside the box.” He looked at me and replied: “How would you see things differently if there never was a box in the first place?” Simple but life changing. Problem solving through a new lens.

The second is someone whom I hope to meet someday. The fashion designer Norma Kamali who I knew about when young and many years later rediscovered. The book she wrote recently has a powerful quote for a title: