Today, for the "Women's History Month" celebration, I would like to introduce this fabulous woman
Meet Emily Thompson, 41, wife, mom of 2, amazing social worker.
“It's a happy life and someone is missing.” -Elizabeth McCracken
I was born in Chicago, Illinois. I am the third of four children and my family moved around frequently for my father’s job. We never settled in one place longer than a few years before my family moved to Maine from Portland, Oregon when I was in high school. I loved living in Maine and decided to attend college at the University of Maine, where I met my husband. I graduated from the University of Southern Maine with a Master's in Social Work. I now work as a school social worker.
My story for Women’s History Month is about a boy. A baby boy. At 28 years old, I was blissfully pregnant with our first child. My husband and I made careful preparations as we looked forward to becoming parents. Child care, check. Birthing classes scheduled, check. Baby names- not exactly checked, but narrowed down. Armed with a breadth of pregnancy and early childhood books, we felt as prepared as we could hope for and eager to welcome our baby. I had glanced at the chapter on high risk and complications during pregnancy, briefly pausing before skipping past, knowing that this was a chapter written for someone else’s pregnancy, not mine. We were past the checkpoints of the first trimester, the anatomy scan, and entering the final stretch of the last three months. We were on our way to becoming parents and there was no looking back.
Then our world stopped. Feeling something was not quite right, we decided to go to the hospital to be checked out and reassured that everything was fine. I remember the intake nurse saying something about nervous new parents as we checked in, I tried to laugh it off but sensed that she was wrong.
Due to an unknown diagnosis of incompetent cervix, I was unknowingly in preterm labor and 10 cm dilated, tragically past the point of return. Our baby boy was born at 23 weeks and died during labor. The team of providers did everything they could to ensure our comfort and care during his birth and the aftermath. My husband and I were sent reeling from what was all we ever wanted into despair.
I had experienced grief before, but not like this. This was all-consuming and profound. I had never felt so betrayed, by what, I am still not sure. With the support of my family, friends, and steadfast husband, I slowly started to find my stride again. An infant/pregnancy loss support group at the hospital provided a community, where I did not feel as isolated. A nonprofit organization, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, had sent a professional photographer to my bedside the night I delivered our baby, and captured irreplaceable images of our sweet baby boy and our darkest moment. A local funeral home arranged and paid for cremation services. There were so many people trying to light our way as we trudged through such darkness. Then there were all of the strangers, who when I let in what had happened, had shared their own stories of pregnancy or infant loss. A woman in the checkout line when I was buying my baby’s first birthday cake, the medical insurance customer service representative who I was reviewing medical claims with, and my neighbor. It was easier not to blame myself for losing the best thing that I ever had when even my obstetrician shared with me her sister’s story of loss. Books like Elizabeth McCraken’s memoir on infant loss “An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination” offered a raw account of the author’s loss, an experience that is often kept hushed and out of sight. Her experience of love and grief for her baby felt so familiar and in so, comforting.
At times I have felt ashamed and alone because of my loss. I wanted to participate in the WHM project to share this story because pregnancy loss is around us, we just do not always share it. This can be the case with any grief that we feel we have to shove away; pregnancy loss, death from addiction or suicide. It feels empowering, even after all of these years, to name what happened to me, knowing that this story of loss is a story of the women who came before me and, tragically, those who will follow.
For all of my bad luck, I have also been incredibly lucky. My husband and I have two delightful living sons, 8 and 11 years old. They know about their brother and we celebrate his birthday every year. They talk about him and will sometimes ask questions about what life would be like if he was alive. I love these conversations and appreciate their no-nonsense approach to talking about him. He was real. And he was worthy of so much more.
Motherhood has been one of my most daunting, humbling, and prideful experiences.
Here is another one of Emily's favorite quotes:
“For us what was killing was how nothing had changed. We'd been waiting to be transformed, and now here we were, back in our old life.”
― Elizabeth McCracken
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Thank you, Emily, for sharing your journey and empowering others!
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#womenshistorymonth #womansupportingwomen #womanpower #mainephotographer
2 Comments
Mar 13, 2023, 11:03:55 AM
Marty Riegler - Emily is a joy for our family. While I Live out west and don't get to see her very often, I know she is a very smart woman who has produced two amazing children. Becky has always kept me apprised of and with photos of her beautiful family .
Mar 10, 2023, 7:39:47 AM
LouAnn Ross - Thank you so much for sharing your journey. We too have a "angel baby". Your words of wisdom is so good for others to hear and to know they are not alone! So proud of you!!!💗